IMAGE IS LOADING, PLS BE PATIENT.

Friday, July 10, 2009

let the problems take care of themselves.

3 weeks of medicine posting have passed.
many thoughts, which i somehow cant put into words.
im still slowly trying to adjust to this new kind of lifestyle.
i think i really dont know what im in for.
i cant imagine myself functioning in the wards in the future.
fridays are nice cos it means weekends are coming. weekends are nice. but not the other days.
there's so much i have to ...get used to.
so tired. whatever free time i have should be spent sleeping.

so what have i been doing... let's see. ward rounds, clerking patients, physical examination, reading case files, observing procedures, tutorials, patient study project, case write ups, and one night duty.
and this week in the respiratory ward, i got the closest so far to seeing a patient die. in the morning during rounds we were just listening to his lungs. a few hours later he had passed away. it does make me feel kinda sad. being a respi ward, there are quite a lot of really sick patients, mostly elderly as well, on the DIL/DNR list. and most of the time they dont seem to have very good social support, many were referred from nursing homes. and being in respiratory distress looks really ...distressing, for want of a better word.

seriously, i noe i dont put a lot of stress on myself already
my standards are low; all i really want is to pass, i dont want to have to repeat this posting.
i duno where all my time goes, though. and i take very long to do what other ppl get done rather quickly.
but im starting to become more independent now. i dont get so affected by others' enthusiasm and dilligence. i tell myself our priorities are different. just that sometimes i wonder why im not as motivated to be high-achieving like them.

oh well. i was looking forward to a slack monday of only patho stuff in NUS. but now we have a tutorial in the hosp in the morning. darnnn.
and there's quite a lot of stuff happening nxt wk. gotta visit the patient's home for the proj, hand in case write up and prepare for peer-teaching presentation.
sighh. gotta take things slowly. i thank god for helping me through these three weeks. he's my source of support.

friday night, with my pillow and a cup of hot milo. :)

oh,forapieceoftherainbow.
11:32 PM


Sunday, June 21, 2009

a very down night.

so here i am, after 3 weeks of holidays. thanks to my little blue notebook, i can roughly rmb what i did each day of the short 21 days. seriously, it's really short. even those uniform-clad students still have ONE MORE WEEK! that's a lot.

i dont know why im so prone to having sore throats :( it's like, it heals and then comes again the next week. like a persistent sore throat. :( sighhh. is it heatiness? or just many viruses =X now even strepsils and eating honey dont work for me anymore. and i already drink a lot of water! so much that i felt bloated the whole of today and kept going to pee =.=

i am so very worried about the next 9 weeks. depression. feeling so unsettled now :( i dun wanna fail and have to do re-posting, or worse, dont make it to m4. oh god, please help me. :(

oh,forapieceoftherainbow.
9:00 PM


Monday, June 8, 2009

hello! as many of u already know, my bro got married yesterday. hmm having a wedding in the family is always a big affair. it may not look like there's much to prepare for, but when u have one u'll know. even a "simple" dinner takes lots of effort especially if u're organising everything urself without a wedding planner or hotel planner.

managed to take some photos of yesterday's events... either myself when im not helping around much or asked jerome to help me take :) many random shots to capture all the moments, but hardly any nicely-posed-for-picture shots cuz the bride and groom were so busy the whole day rushing everywhere! first the ceremony stuff in the morning, which only ended ard 2, and then to prepare for the signing and dinner at rider's cafe in the evening. haha u can see that in all the big grp shots, we weren't looking at my cam cos there was only time for the professional photographer to take nice group shots. shall have to wait for his soft copy, which will take months =X and many photos were blur, partly cos the shots were all taken candid while ppl were in action... haha there was so much flurry of activity going on all the time... and also rider's cafe was very dim. bah!

this time, there's less activity in the morning since the fun stuff are all done at the bride's house. kor's 7 good frens came over ard 8 to change and "strategise" a little and set off for grace's place at almost 9. oh yaa i found the bouquet very unique, cos it had a little bird cage thingy with two birds in it, with a watch face as a base. the huge roast pig and buffet lunch arrived after that.

kor and grace returned to our place at 1040, by which time all our relatives had arrived (except sis who was late!! it was quite funny cos cousin hazel and clara thot she was upstairs with me while i thot she was downstairs with them. only a while later did we realise she wasnt ard!). grace looked really pretty in her tailor-made all-lace bridal gown. plus she's tall so the mermaid-tail thingy looks really gd on her! then it was the tea ceremony and some photo-taking. i was partly the tray-bearer and partly the cup-washer.

that lasted until slightly before 12, and then it was time for lunch! haha shall make and advert for select catering's thai buffet. it's quite nice~ lots of prawns and fried fish dishes and green curry too, ard 8 dishes with dessert i think. quite worth it for $16 per pax. almost everyone commented that the food was good! or maybe we were just hungry. kor and grace left at 1230 cos they had to go back to grace's place for the tea ceremony at her side and to bring the roast pig over. everyone sat around and mingled a bit, and the last of the relatives left at ard 2pm.

after which we hardly had time to rest... cos we had to reach rider's cafe by 430! kor and grace came back again shortly after the relatives left. i was just thinking they must be so tired already, and there's still half the programme more to go... dad and daryl had to settle the roast pig first. seriously, the roast pig always gives so much trouble. hazel and clara were saying their wedding dun wan roast pig liao. the bride's side apparently has to cut it and place a pair of pants inside or something and return it to our side. and then now we haf to chop it up into chunks to give to the relatives of both sides. what a messy, oily affair.

everyone didnt manage to rest much, still had some last min preps... was printing out the seating table arrangements last min yest before we left! we all just got to shower and then had to set off for rider's cafe. set up the tables and some decor there and then manned the registration table. ytd's dinner only had ard 70 guests so that job was quite easy.

most guests arrived by 630-ish, by which time we closed the table and the evening could start proper! first was the signing ceremony, with grace's bro-in-law as the solemnizer. this is the second time i've witnessed a marriage cert signing ceremony, the first being sis's ROM, and i can remember the same kind of queer, somewhat queasy feeling i felt. IT JUST FEELS WEIRD THAT THE BRO WHOM I WATCHED PLAY STREET FIGHTER AND DIABLO IS GETTING MARRIED. THE BRO WHO USED TO BULLY ME, LIE ON MY BED AND REFUSE TO BUDGE, THE BRO WHO LEAVES HIS CUT TOENAILS AROUND EVERYWHERE (WHEN HE FINALLY CUTS HIS LONG DISGUSTING NAILS) INSTEAD OF BINNING THEM. WHO USED TO TEACH ME MATH AND PHYSICS, INCLUDING STUFF BEYOND WHAT I NEED TO KNOW. WHO SOLVES ALL MY COM PROBLEMS, AND INTRODUCED ME TO WOW... WEIRD. nah not emo. after all he's still gonna live with us. that is, after he finishes his master's in US in 2 yrs time, and IF he still wants to come back. perhaps if i were him i wouldnt even wanna come back...

dinner time finally! there were a few short "entertainment" segments, like most wedding dinners, inclu one in which grace sang a song for kor! :) ohh ya, grace's bro and his choir friends were there to sing as well. the food was good too, finished my whole piece of cod and was very full. there was soup + salad + main + dessert buffet. but had to try kor's handmade chocolate cake no matter what! and also grace's banana and chocolate bread. yup the couple made part of the desserts. and the wedding cake and cupcakes were made by grace's friends for her. at the end of the dinner, we (the relatives) even da-bao-ed a lot of the leftover desserts and FLOWERS too hah. go wedding dinner like grocery-shopping like that. they were all like "huh!? gonna throw the flowers??? so wasted, dun throw! i take home!"

finally reached home around midnight. what a day! and today's a rest-day to take a break; there's still the traditional chinese hotel dinner tmr at conrad. but we're more relaxed alr for that one lar, cos the hotel ppl will do most of the stuff for us and this time the crowd's mainly the parents' friends and relatives and not-so-close friends and colleagues.

hrm. dont really know how to end off this post. like i said already. it still feels weird. especially cos i was looking at old photos over the weekend, when kor was looking for his old photos for the photo montage thingy. then i saw all our younger pics! like on holiday in europe and canada in 1992, 1994 etc. haha. anyway the day's events were fun. gonna sleep soon so i'll have energy tomorrow! :)

video

oh,forapieceoftherainbow.
11:47 PM


Saturday, June 6, 2009



day out with lynette! we had fun exploring our neighbourhood (ie west coast plaza). haha i kinda like that place. it's nice and quiet and has quite a lot of food places! sakae, sushi tei, newyorknewyork, thai express, coffee bean, fish&co, dianxiaoer, starbucks etc etc, even though not many shops. altho MOF is found in other places i nv eat there before! haha so we had our dose of jap food there. yay! i like the sesame ice cream in red bean. yummy. complained about csfc, talked about holiday plans and chatted abt random stuff over dessert.

bro's getting married tmr~! excited.

oh,forapieceoftherainbow.
9:20 PM


Thursday, June 4, 2009

mr strong.



all the bears are kinda sqqquasshhed up there, but at least i managed to get everyone up. mum is very happy she has less cleaning to do now but the bears just got very less accessible. :( anyhow, it's a nice display cupboard. the whole wall looks like a display wall now. yay!



looking for mr strong! yes i've been collecting these little toys from 7-11 lately. it's addictive! i've influenced lynette too. boo why did they make mr strong and little miss naughty "limited edition"!? :( and i keep getting mr small. i think they purposely manufactured lots of mr small cos it's SMALL and uses up less material. haa. now i dun wanna buy anymore cos i just keep getting more mr smalls and no mr strong! mr greedy is super cute too he's so round and fat and carrying a piece of cake ahaha.

AND I NEED A NEW PHONE. NEED, NOT WANT. my phone keeps dying when im on the line. like today, it died twice when lynette called. was worried i wouldnt know where to meet her, luckily sms function was still working. it always dies on me when im on the line! bad phone. old phone. but i dun see any nice+cheap phone i fancy now. dun really dare to buy now too cos i think i've been spending a lot recently.

oh,forapieceoftherainbow.
10:52 PM


Wednesday, June 3, 2009

let the days in june pass more slowly, ok?



it's joanne's birthday! my ex-nerdy best friend. we dont fit the bill as nerds anymore. haha! to think now we kinda miss those times when we were called nerds.
celebration at stewords riverboat at marina. mexican grill on a real boat! altho i must say at some points in time i felt a bit giddy and seasick. esp when the sky darkened and everything felt a little more wobbly. =S haha. but we had a nice time, esp since i hadnt seen them for so long alr. met angela there too!
sigh love my 6 and 7 gangs lots altho im really very exhausted and find it really tough to meet up. thank goodness for internet, facebook and blogs. these are friends i know will be there for me, friendships i noe will last, friends i noe will be there on my wedding day! (haha couldnt resist the last one, considering the house is now aflutter with wedding preparations for the big day on sunday.)

oh my new postings are at NUH for 9 wks and then AH for 8 wks! i couldnt wish for anything better, really, these are the 2 hospitals nearest my home! altho i've heard NUH and AH teaching sucks/not enough cases to see... oh well. so what if TTSH is said to have very good teaching, if i dreaded the time there so much anyway?? tts not a big concern for me seriously, unlike some others... sighhh. i can see how i mighttt like my job in the future, but sometimes the stress and long hours and peer pressure and competition covers up eveything. persevere on! i tell myself. if so many generations of ppl have done it, i must do it too! sighh. this prob applies for everyone too... seems like so many of us are at a stage where we gotta decide our careers and priorities.

today's the 3rd of june, it's big pooh's 11th birthday! i used to name my bears and write down their birthdays (for the more impt ones). so childish! haha. mummy bought this as a surprise for me so it's especially memorable. sighh i find comfort in sleep, food, bears and shopping. GSS! =D prob will be stocking up on more work-clothes, i haf tons of casual stuff i wont be able to wear anymore anyway.

persevere on!!

oh,forapieceoftherainbow.
9:16 PM


Sunday, May 24, 2009

after a rather long hiatus...

i dont know what's happening to me
i dread going there everyday
always wish time would quickly pass
dont feel like doing anything, dont feel like talking much
i suck
physical examination still sucks
cant remember all the steps
what's worse is i dont even feel like practising more
stay back after 6 to clerk more patients? urgh just gimme a break.
i know all these resentment of things and people is unhealthy
my mind cant help but wander when im feeling like this
feeling weak and cowardly
slept my day away yesterday but am not any better


just going to crumble to pieces when m3 starts.

oh,forapieceoftherainbow.
11:47 AM